06 May 2006

On The Outside, Looking Out

I don't know how it appears to others, but here's how I describe most of my life and my personal tastes. For a lot of my life, when I've had to make some decision about a direction to take, something new to try, what music to listen to, it seems that I've consciously chosen the option that I thought would be least popular. Not reprehensible; different. Just trying to come up with a unique combination. I've never felt that I fit in very good anywhere or with any particular group. So I would try to make sure that I couldn't fit in.
I don't know how sad that is; it's hard for me to objectively think about. Was it a desperate attempt by some kid to differentiate himself in a sea of conformity? Was it narcissism taken to an extreme? Have I changed yet? Am I trying to make it seem more important than it ever was? Just how fake am I? How can I ever even answer that one?


At 07 May, 2006 06:51, Blogger Ross said...

I could have written these lines.. I don't look down that barrel very often.

At 07 May, 2006 15:53, Blogger Sh33p said...

Do I keep looking for the answers, or just move on?

At 08 May, 2006 08:43, Blogger Ross said...

Answers? You want answers?

I think I just care less and less about what other people think about me... pretty soon I'll be wearing black socks and flip-flops on the beach and enjoying light beer :-)

My parents LOVE mainstream, middle-of-the road everything.. Coors Beer, 'Easy Listening" music, American cars, (**Blech**) and so a lot of my tastes I can trace back to a desire to break out of that mold. But I was also raised in the disco generation and so my music and "fasion" tastes where born out of a rejection of that culture too.

I guess in general, maybe it's always been easier for me to decide on what I'm NOT going to be about, rather than what I AM going to be about.

Maybe I'll grow up someday and be able to drive my train from the engine rather than from the caboose...

See, I'm no help at all


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